Often the wisest, most loving, and well rounded people you have ever met are likely those who have known acute melancholy, suffered defeat, endured the wrenching heartbreak of losing something or someone they loved, and have found their way out of the murky depths of their own despair with an appreciation and deep comprehension of life. They are the ones who know how to move on in life.
At a time, when hope seems to have dimmed and your life seems topsy-turvy, you can let your situation either strengthen you or obliterate you. However, with diligent efforts, you can overcome the most abominable of situations and heal. Here’s how to move on in life:
1) Acknowledge your Feelings
Suppressing all negativity and facing away from it might seem like the ultimate stopgap, but it only exacerbates the flood of emotions that would ensue in the future. Closing your eyes on the plight, that is weighing down heavy on your chest, is highly in best taste; the only way to be free is to connect with your pain.
If you don’t feel your emotions, you would constantly find yourself thinking about them, replaying events, and wallowing in your sorrow, sadness and anger that is lurking beneath that calm masquerade. Shedding some tears, talking to a loved one or expressing your feelings through writings, would help you unburden your shoulders and cope with your emotions.
2) Prioritize Self Care
Recognize masochistic and harming habits, such as skimping on meals, neglecting self care, or lack of sleep, and nip them in the bud. As Buddha said, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” Self care is the ultimate tool in moving forward, as you won’t be of much use to anybody if you are incapacitated.
Treat yourself like you’re getting over the flu. Get plenty of rest, eat healthy, minimize other sources of stress in your life, and reduce your workload if possible. Taking 10-20 minutes of solitary stroll in a park helps you untangle the cobwebs in your mind and stay fresh. Working out your grief by hitting the gym, running or swimming, renders an instant relief and lets you become the master of your body and mind.
3) Stand on Your Own
One of the most liberating mantras you can repeat to yourself while immersed in grief is; “I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy. That job is mine”.
Every time you experience a pang of longing, remind yourself that you have lived without that thing you feared you couldn’t live through, and you would continue to survive without it. Do not attempt to fill the gaping void by sprinting in to a new addiction or relationship. Know that you can be happy without depending on anyone else.
4) Practice Acceptance
Reminiscing the past and thinking about “what could have been”, is futile. You need to learn to accept what you can’t control and let it go by stop fretting over it. Some of the worst agonies to inflict upon yourself include bitter self reprimand, blame, and seeking to control what is beyond your power. Accept that whatever happened, has happened, and there is nothing that anybody could have done to change the course of fate.
As Marter said, “You are not your problems or your crisis. You are not your divorce, your illness, your trauma or your bank account. Your true self is that deeper entity within that is perfectly whole and well no matter what you are experiencing.”
5) Reach out to Others
Emotional support is very essential to true healing. Don’t try to go through it on your own as isolation only tends to aggravate angst. Surround yourself with people who truly care about you and cut off all negative people from your life. If reaching out to others doesn’t come naturally, consider seeing a counselor or joining a support group. The most important thing is that you have at least one place where you feel comfortable opening up.
6) Recount Your Blessings
Instead of dwelling in the past and focusing on the negative, you need to show some appreciation for all the good in your life . If you are searching for how to move on, penning down everything that you’re grateful for having or experiencing, is a great place to start.
Even better, think of someone whose very presence is a source of light for you, and write them a note expressing how grateful you are for having them in your life. Your woes will start to seem less significant when you compare them with everything that’s going right in your life.
7) Change Your Circumstances
After you identify the key takeaways from your difficult time, you should try to make a change in your life. If you can do something about your circumstances today, why linger in the middle of a difficult situation longer than necessary. Remember that there’s a silver lining to each struggle and difficulty that life chucks your way. You’re a lot more resilient than you give yourself credit for.
What are your two cents on how to move on after a rut in your life? Do let us know in the comments below.